you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
