I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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