Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
