I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
