I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
