R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
