so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
