ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
