the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
