just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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