party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
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