I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize