all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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