tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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