It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
no. you can't hotbox the world.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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