wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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