dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
