I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
