I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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