what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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