i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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