So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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