I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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