I cockslap morals
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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