I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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