Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
