I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
