nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
4 words: hood of his car
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow