Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
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Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
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Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...