Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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