I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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