I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
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This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
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Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid