its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....