I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
