Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
you had me at cake vodka
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
