help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
