saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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