Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
