Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
