No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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