no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
