it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
