If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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