dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
