Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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