I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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