i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
