So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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