I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
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I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
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We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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