Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
