Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
