New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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