whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
