i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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