just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
