I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
