he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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