Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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