I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
