new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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