we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
