if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
