I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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