Too much gin, very little bucket
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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