The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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