I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
