Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You are the jesus of drinking
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
