i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
