the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
