dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Come on in and take your pants off
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