Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
