Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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