The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
