Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
