Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
