I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
