took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
