i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
