meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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