Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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